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So…I may regret this, but I have felt a strong desire to blog again, to write, share about what our family, and specifically, myself, has been facing in the past year.
I want to begin by saying that I believe God can heal me. I believe He is IN THIS! I believe that He sees, and He knows, and He is capable of anything. I am trusting Him, and He has been faithful so far. He has been our rock, our support, our comfort. He is good. He HAS already healed me in some ways.
And with that…
I have recently discovered that I have a pretty significant mineral imbalance. A year ago, I would have scoffed at that. I would have said, “So? What’s the big deal?” But, I now know from experience that it IS a big deal, as it can cause MAJOR health problems, for me, some of which include, insomnia, depression, anxiety, rashes, psoriasis, eczema, dizziness, eye problems, anger, adrenal shut down, and more.
After seeing two dermatologists, two allergists, a functional medicine doctor, and a psychiatrist, I finally was able to get to the root of it all (at least I hope it’s the root!), by doing some mineral testing. My functional medicine doctor discovered the imbalance, but she did not really know what to do with it. I found someone who did. Or, rather, God pointed me to him, after a friend invited me to like his facebook page, of all things! At the time, I was researching for my son, who has some issues of his own, and it didn’t occur to me that THIS WAS FOR ME! In fact, it took me a good 6 months before the blinders fell off, and I finally did the mineral test.
And, so…three days ago when I was “having my quiet time,” I wrote the following in my journal:
“I don’t want to have lived through the hell of depression and anxiety without being changed, God. I don’t want to go on in my newly found health as if I didn’t just escape from the jaws of death, as if I weren’t just rescued, as if I’m now ashamed of the daily, hourly, worship that has been my only hope in getting through the day. If it was Your will, God, that I have had this experience, I want YOUR result, I want to know what YOU intended me to know through it all, what YOU intended me to learn, and I want to live differently. I want my struggle to make a difference in the way I live my life for YOU. I know YOU don’t waste these times of trial, but I’ve no doubt that I can, that I will. I have already, in fact. I walk with confidence in my cleared mind, but still allow satan to whisper into my ear, using those old scars that linger from a former life.”
The funny thing is, I am NOT completely healthy. I wrote that as if I were 100% back to normal, and I am not, but I know that the question God has been asking me lately is this: “Can you trust me? If this is what I have for you for right now, will you still love me and trust me?” I think I’m there. I think so.
If I am able, I’m hoping to share about this process, what has already been happening, and what is to come. Maybe it will help others who are struggling with the same things, to find some answers. Maybe it will help someone to continue to believe that God is able.
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